Been Thinking... Losing it... Y just can't i control it!?

yoz... hmm... now checking my mails... few days never go check ler... over 200 unread mails... so don bother to read... just delete.. now still checking... *as time passes* now finish checking ler... today at work... time passes quite fast for me... coz been thinking of alot of things... just now in my room was oso thinking of lots of things... about almost everything... myself... friends.... idols... love... music... family... and lots... but some cannot say lah... shhh... haiz... internet mad mad one... type half way close... so now use wordpat then later copy and paste there... but very not use to it... as i was saying... thinking... i think i'm getting alittle depress... *dunnoe how to spell* ... been losing somethings... somethings that r important to me... but is not wad i can control over whether i can so called i can have it anot... just went to pris blog... argh... she's sick... hope she get well soon... okay... next wk we go watch movie ya... wif sharon they al... want to talk to me... if u wan oso can call me and tok... if u wan to face to face tok... then we meet one day lah... which is like next week... been missing her oso... this holiday only met her once... and for a very short time... looks like she's one thing that i haven't been losing... the friendship between us... not like... one that i guess its gonna lose soon... its slowly disappearing now... but wad can i do... its not in my control right... fight for it?! i don have the courage and energy to fight for it... hmmm... haven't been going out with sharon... vernisa lately... next week! kinda miss them... hmm... family... i dunnoe... just kinda tired... maybe watch to much ren wo ao you... but have been thinking like yi xuan lately... i don wanna be tied up by my family... i wanna do wad ever i wan... no one to control me... in another word... don wanna be in a family... no parents no silblings... kinda selfish i noe... dunnoe lah.. alots of things i donnoe... stupid mah... hmm... kinda sick of music nowadays... sick of wad ever love love thing that now teenagers r go gaga over lah... sick of everything... life... music... FEELING SICK of msuic... BUT NOT SICK of it... a... oso dunnoe how to explain lah... i noe it doesn't make sense.... can't believe i'm feeling sick of it... who cares!? no one cares! i feel that i'm living in a bunch of stupid sickening lies... i can't believe her... its just so impossible... i think its another her... that noes... but she take it and tell me its her... i just don believe... everything seems not in place like wad she say... she *another one* says she hates it... but she herself is like one! isn't she just so damm fake... some ppl will be blaming me of y not just saying it out... i mean i've been telling my friends... if u c ur friends not happy... then tell her straight... don expect to ask her or he to change if u nv even tell the person wad u r not happy with... but i didn't say is because do u expect everyone who reads my blog... to noe who u r... i mean have to save some face 4 others right... so y i don't tell the person... straight in the person face... coz like i said.. i feel that i'm losing it... i don wan to lose it... i have a feeling that if i say it out... i'm gonna lose it... so... thats y i'm not saying it... blame me selfish... i am... who's not... u dare to say u're not... hahax... who say that... i'm gonna say that the person is so damm think skin... everyone in the world will be... its just how much... well maybe... i stole some ppl's share... well maybe alot ppl shares... thats y i'm so damm selfish now ya... toking bout this... it remains me of one person... she's just so thick skin... i'm not leh... for God sake... its just that u nv realise... so don think u r so perfect... don say that i onli noe how to say others... i myself noe my bad points... but not many lah.. so feel free to just sent me a sms telling me my bad points... i don mind... u r very welcome to do that... i will even thank u becoz u r trying to make me perfect... let me noe my bad points... so that i can change and be a near perfect person.... tag board seems to be mad mad de... this few days... oso dunnoe wad happen... i have a feeling i'm gonna do sth impossible... sth damm impossible... oso not so called do lah... it just will happen itself de.... y can't i just control it!? y i can't control so many things? Y?! my friend came online... saw her nick... it says... the onli thing that matters is just following ur heart and evetually u will see it right... i havv to tell her... she's wrong... i've been following my heart... for so many years.... thats y i'm losing alot of things... and not getting alot of things right... and things that i wan to have... just now went to read ming hon's blog... she's trap in her forest.. i'm too... but i think i'm gonna trap 4ever... i don have anyone to give me direction to get out from my forest... at least she have sze rui to offer her a compass....i tried to offer her one once...but it seems that she didn't need to use it... so i threw it away... looks like i threw my one and only compass... so i'm trap... ARGH! cannot be bothered... gonna go banana... o... ya... pris got a blog... go to my links there to tour around her blog ba... don wanna type anymore ler... 818 818


Note: Some peeps that read my blog will think that o... i'm writing this to gain pity from some ppl... well... for ur information... i think only a few ppl will come and read my blog... like sze rui... ming hon and other close friends i have... * well actually i think only both of them bother to come read my blog* SO I DON NEED TO GAIN PITY FROM ANYONE! IF i wanna gain pity... i won't be typing sth like that for the first time... so much lah... coz i really cannot take it anymore... and i don c who's gonna lend me a listening ear... so... i'm typing it here... to lessen my pressure...